


For The Job

by melanie1982



Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Fiction, Lies, Love, M/M, Sex, Sexuality, Truths, Undercover, kindarushedsorry, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-09 05:51:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10405341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanie1982/pseuds/melanie1982
Summary: Who's fooling who?I took some things from the episodes involving Noble, and took pretty big liberties with the episodes and the timeline.. I mean, when would hook-ups have happened in the t.v show's timeline? Not sure.I just really liked the chemistry between the two characters/actors, and I know I'm not the only one.So here's my contribution to the 'ship.Tada.I know it comes across as ooc several times. I hope I got it right somewhat :)





	1. Chapter 1

Noble had a soft spot for light eyes: blue, green, hazel, even gray. The young man at the bar? His eyes seemed to shift color depending on his mood. Noble would've attributed this color-shift to the drugs in his own system, but he hadn't taken any yet, and was only two drinks into his evening. That would come the next night - the bad batch of mash, his brush with death (the closest one so far) - but for now, seeing was believing; the man's eyes were magical. Beneath the glow of the lights, the stranger looked like everything at once: soft skin and a well-worn button-up shirt which would've felt smooth beneath his fingers, but with hard muscles beneath; casual, yet observant; approachable, and yet aloof.

Noble Sanfino knew the official Church stance on his passions. He also knew of the hours and months and years he'd prayed, long lonely nights on his knees, for God to change him. It was difficult to say which secret he'd puzzled out first - the fact that the Sanfino family was not like other families, or the fact that he, the son, grandson and nephew of many hardened criminals, was only interested in boys.

He knew, just by the law of averages, that there had to be other gay or bisexual gangsters - both in history and in the present time - but most of them would literally rather die than let their secret out. Sure, one of the Kray brothers was gay, and it was a known thing - but Noble didn't find much comfort in studying that particular historical figure, seeing as things didn't end so good for him. Italians in general were all about family, copious sex, and making big broods; when you added the crime family aspect into the mix, Noble was letting everyone down double. Criminals needed to be detached, above all that lovey stuff; to show romantic affection - especially for the same sex - was a sign of weakness. Sure, most of them had women, even families, but 'family' always came first. If one of the dons called upon you to execute your own spouse or child, you did it. Period. Noble couldn't afford to love anyone, especially not a man - and definitely not a Mick like this guy probably was. Sexism, racism, homophobia - all part of being a Sanfino. Noble hated it.

If he went to prison someday, Noble idly thought, maybe he could start up a support group for gay criminals. He'd be safer in there (from his family) than he would be if he came out as gay while free.. Then again, for the right price, someone on the inside would do his family's dirty work and take him out. It was bad enough that he had a drug habit, making him reckless and emotional rather than business-minded and cold; his sexuality would be the straw to break the camel's back. 

Essentially, Noble was already in a type of prison. He wasn't free to live a legitimate, law-abiding life; he wasn't free to be himself.. and he wasn't free to find somebody to love.

As he watched two drunk and high blondes hitting on the stranger, Noble wondered if the guy had a girl. No wedding ring, he noticed, but some husbands didn't wear one - especially while drinking alone in a crowded bar teeming with fresh young tail. The man didn't seem the type, but looks could be deceiving. Already, he chided himself, I'm building this guy up to be some kind of saint. Maybe he's a doctor who saves sick children, or a firefighter, rescuing kittens from trees. He has the build for it, Noble conceded. 

He needed something else, stronger than booze. Noble needed something to distort his thoughts, to shift his focus, to keep him from feeling anything resembling an emotion. Reality was too painful; a high might bring dark hallucinations, but at least those ended, and you could dismiss them as illusions. Maybe he'd O.D, and the pain would stop. The family wouldn't miss him - not on any deep level. 

As if in answer to prayer, Noble got his opening. As 'Bri-Bri' muscled in on the stranger, his inferiority complex threatening to snowball into a fist-fight (and Noble didn't want to see this man's pretty nose broken), Noble attempted to engage the man in conversation, half-expecting to be ignored or rebuffed. After all, it wasn't exactly a gay bar; wouldn't a man like that bristle at being approached by another guy, a guy who was clearly there alone? 

The stranger didn't do either. With Brian out of the way, the stranger didn't even blink as Noble trotted out his "Don't I know you from somewhere?" pick-up line. Perhaps the man just didn't take it for what it was, thinking it was general conversation, or drunken rambling. Noble shifted on his bar stool, telling his body to slow down, to not read into things. Noble insisted multiple times and in multiple ways that he did, in fact, know the man from somewhere, wishing it were true, praying the guy would take the bait.. 

Jimmy, Noble's new friend, didn't bite, but he DID keep talking. Noble took another sip, tasting the man's name in his mouth, wondering how their respective drink choices would taste mingled together in a kiss. So far, Jimmy seemed as sweet and boy-next-door as Noble had first thought - but then things took a slight detour.

"I'm meeting this chick later. She might need a little encouragement. Think you could point me in the right direction?," Jimmy wanted to know.

Noble took the question like a double-punch to the gut. Meeting a girl later, AND wanting something to drug her with? So much for Saint Jimmy. That, added to Jimmy's admission of being an old attendee of Stardust, lowered Noble's opinion of him - but he was so pretty, and he just had this aura about him, this energy of goodness...

Definitely time for some drugs. Things were getting too heavy. Unfortunately, Noble had spotted an undercover cop in the bar. He pointed the cop out to Jimmy, making his excuses. As Noble left the bar that night, he was kicking himself, wondering if he'd see Jimmy again.

For better or for worse, he did.

\--------------------------------------------------

The next night, Noble found himself at the same watering hole, hoping that in a city of millions, he'd spot a shooting star.

It was so. Jimmy was there, looking better than the night before. It made Noble wonder about the 'chick' Jimmy had mentioned, and he asked, making conversation. Jimmy confirmed he'd managed to get some without 'help,' and Noble feigned happiness over the revelation.

He punished himself, sitting at a table with an old friend of a friend who happened to be female, buying her drinks, wasting her time as well as his own. He knew he didn't want to take her home, or even drag her to the bathroom for a quickie. There was only one person in the bar Noble wanted, and he had no reason to believe that person would be interested. 

Eventually ditching the girl, he made his way back to Jimmy at the bar. They talked; the memory of it was stashed more as 'feeling' than words, blurred in the aftermath of what happened.

The last thing Noble remembered before blacking out was stumbling back to the bar from the bathroom. When he awoke, he was told by the nurses that "Jimmy" had called 911 and saved his life.

Great. Wonderful first impression. Wonderful way to cut the evening short. And then there was the whole, you know, almost-dying thing.

He'd even failed at THAT. Jeez.

But wait.. If the man had saved his life, Noble now had an excuse to draw Jimmy into his world, at least long enough to thank him.

Okay, he hadn't saved a kitten from a tree, or a kid from cancer. What he'd saved wasn't worth saving. Still, the code was the code.

Noble was going to track Jimmy down and repay his good deed. It was the Sanfino way. It was part of his birthright.

It was his job.


	2. Chapter 2

Jamie was supposed to catch drug use and underage drinking. He'd witnessed both at the bar, but now he'd inadvertently hooked a bigger fish, an in with a major crime family.

Shit.

The guy was clearly Italian - the mop of dark, unruly hair, the tan skin, the dark eyes full of fire; Jamie had noticed all that - but he knew better than to stereotype. He hadn't assumed anything. I mean, what kind of Mafioso hung out alone in dive bars on a weeknight, drinking and getting high? Shouldn't he be at some celebrity or society type party, or at least, I don't know, a strip club? With that kind of money and power, the guy - Noble, he'd said - could afford to have anyone and anything brought to him, day or night. Why take so many risks? It's like he wanted trouble - to get into a fight, or have a medical emergency, or end up arrested..

..one of which had happened.

It seemed like attempted suicide, being so reckless. 

Was it?

And why did Jamie care so much? He knew he couldn't afford to get personally invested in any suspect, no matter how troubled they seemed, no matter how they looked at him with eyes that said 'I lost my puppy.' The guy was dangerous; he probably had bodies on him, and even if he didn't, Noble knew people who did. He knew where those bodies were disposed of, how they were killed, when.. No. Jamie couldn't get too friendly with a man like Noble. 

He had done his duty, trying to buy drugs from Noble, then calling a bus when Noble O.D'd. That was the end of it.

Only, it wasn't.

Why had Jamie agreed to take the secondary undercover assignment? He had enough on his plate - a T.O who busted his chops as often as he gave praise, a dad and granddad who worried sick over him wearing the uniform, let alone going undercover, the fact that he was still a rookie, and then the whole 'secretly investigating the police force to uncover the truth about Joe's death' thing.. But, sure, he should take on MORE work, more secrets and lies. Right?

There was another reason, but Jamie couldn't put his finger on it. Some part of his brain was keeping it locked up tight, like it was too dangerous to let it out. A monster inside of his own head.

Now Noble, fresh out of his month-long stint in rehab, had tracked him down, wanting to see him. Jamie had no way of knowing how many times Noble had dreamt of 'Jimmy' during the hell of detoxing. 

Jamie was terrified, but not the way he should have been. For all he knew, his cover was blown, and the Sanfinos were luring him into a trap. He could be beaten, or worse.

It was insanity to even consider going.

And yet.

Underneath it all, all the mob son bravado and pain of the violence Noble had doubtless witnessed (and possibly endured himself), there was something likable about him. Something lost. Something.. sweet.

Jamie couldn't blame drugs for his line of thinking. He hadn't even been close to drunk. 

So what the hell was his problem?

"Don't be an ass, Jamie," he said aloud into the mirror as he switched from the uniform to what he was going to wear to meet Noble. "Remember that Sociology 101 course you took as an elective your junior year at Harvard? Sympathizing with the 'other' is the first step on the slippery slope of 'going native.'"

Jamie couldn't imagine himself joining a crime family, but he could already sense himself jeopardizing his integrity, his common sense, his morals.

How far was he willing to go to keep his cover?

And for how long?

"The things I do for the job," he sighed, straightening his collar. He looked good. He wasn't a braggart, but Jamie was aware of the attention he got - including from fellow officers, male AND female. Sidney was gone, but he wasn't ready for anyone new; the void was too raw, and Jamie didn't want to pick at it, hoping the scar would be smaller if he just let it close up on its own. 

Thing was, it didn't hurt as badly as it should've. He had wanted to marry the girl; why wasn't he more upset about her leaving? What did that say about them - about HIM? It felt more like he was grieving the idea of him and Sidney, rather than the reality of it. Jamie knew he had to stash those thoughts away for later; 'Jimmy' was unattached, and always had been. He was a little bit bad, just enough to go along with a certain level of criminal activity, but not bad enough to actively participate in it.

'Jimmy' couldn't disappear or refuse to show; that would only make the Sanfinos more desperate to find him, and Jamie, his family, and other officers would all be at risk. "The job," he said one more time, focusing. When his heart rate accelerated as his taxi pulled up to the restaurant, Jamie easily convinced himself it was the adrenaline of his cop brain kicking in.

Yeah. That had to be it. What else could it be? 


	3. Chapter 3

Jamie wondered if Bianca had a different father than Noble, or maybe a different mother. She looked nothing like her brother; it didn't make sense. Who knew? Maybe the Sanfinos had kidnapped a baby girl twenty-odd years ago; nothing was impossible.

The girl had the same fire as her brother, maybe more so - only hers was more directed towards receiving pleasure than giving pain.

By the end of the night, Jamie had had to witness the man who'd sold Noble the bad batch of drugs being beaten and threatened. Worse - the guy had been made to take his own medicine. It all served to reinforce that Noble and his family were bad news, and the quicker he could secure enough evidence to have several of them locked up, the better.

Still. Jamie couldn't help but wonder how Noble would fare in prison - assuming he lived that long. Between his high-risk lifestyle and the fact that his family might well blame him for a cop infiltrating their secret world, Jamie worried Noble was a walking dead man.

Fending off Bianca only made things more complicated. Sure, she had her charms, but she was off-limits, firstly because of who she was, and secondly because she was.. well, unbalanced. Jamie couldn't blame her for that; it had to be hard to know where her money came from, what her family members did behind closed doors, added to the fact that she was female and treated as 'less than', coddled and patted on the head. Like she'd told him, he didn't have to suck up to her, because she didn't "have any juice around here." Stuck in that family, yet wielding no real power of her own? That had to be tough.

There I go again, thought Jamie, feeling sorry for one of the bad guys. She's over eighteen; she can choose to walk away (or more likely, run). So can Noble.

So why did he care?

The thin blue line became dotted and blurred as time passed. Jamie was glad to have a long family history of law enforcement to remind him which side he was on, but when he was 'in character..' It was almost like he had split personality disorder. Jamie found himself almost saying things and doing things which would get Jamie OR Jimmy into a lot of trouble. It didn't help matters that, while the members of his own family definitely loved one another deeply, there wasn't as much affection as there was among the Italians he was spending time with. Everything - their expressions, their inflections, their body language - spoke of deep bonds with an undercurrent of tension and power. Jamie wasn't sure who embodied that personal-space-invading, no-filter, I'll-fuck-you-then-kill-you spirit better: Noble, or Bianca.

At least Bianca was clear and to the point about who and what she wanted: men in general, Jimmy in particular. As J got to know Noble better, he wondered why the man never mentioned women. Jamie had rarely seen him flirt or try to get a girl's number, never heard him talk about an ex or a current or even what famous women he found attractive. Noble was a bundle of contradictions, trying so hard to control his deeper emotions, while flying off the handle over trivial shit. Was he..? Jamie dismissed it. Noble's sexuality was irrelevant. Unless the guy was breaking a law while getting his rocks off, it was none of his business what Noble did or who he did it with.

Jamie was pretty liberal towards LGBTQ people. Live and let live, he figured, and God, if there is one, can worry about all that stuff. To Jamie, people were people, until they broke the law. Then they were the enemy.

"Sleeping with the enemy," he muttered under his breath. He was taking risks, and he knew it. Johnny had almost heard him; maybe he actually had. Jamie felt the guy's eyes boring into him, a frequent occurrence as he 'worked' at their Ponzi scheme call center. Had he slipped up?

Johnny hated Jimmy for the favoritism Noble showed him, as well as for Bianca's interest in him. Neither one of those were 'Jimmy's' fault, but Johnny didn't care. Was there another reason Johnny singled him out for a beating? The pretext was that Johnny thought Jimmy had stolen something from the company, but was he really beating what he hated in himself, or maybe what he projected onto Jimmy? Was there some latent homophobia there, a question mark hanging over Jimmy's friendship with Noble? I mean, if Johnny thought Jimmy could get Bianca AND Noble, as twisted as that would be, well, that would be a big reason to be jealous of the power Jimmy 'the Mick' wielded, wouldn't it?

For Noble's part, he sure didn't say or do anything to discourage the speculation. Jamie guessed that was because in such a tense atmosphere of paranoia, nothing he said would be taken to heart anyway - it would be twisted and used against him (or both of them). Better to ignore rumors. Right?

Noble never asked any follow-up questions about Jimmy's 'date' from the night at the bar. He never probed about Jimmy's personal life, other than grilling/lecturing him over Bianca. Was it jealousy, a warning to protect Bianca, or a warning to protect Jimmy? Jamie wasn't sure.

Jamie reminded himself that the day might come when he'd have to testify against Noble. He hoped Noble would take a plea deal instead, or that he'd be given immunity for testifying and granted a new identity. Then again, the thought of never seeing Noble again, never knowing if he was okay, left Jamie feeling unsettled.

"To serve and protect." Jamie was veering into more than just being protective of Noble. Even after all he'd seen and heard, both first-hand and from those who knew Noble, Jamie still believed the man had some goodness in him. Maybe if he got clean, got a good therapist, even found God, he could go 'straight.'

That last word had taken on a new weight recently.

Did Jamie want Noble to go straight? Did Jimmy?

Jamie felt like he needed a therapist, but it was too risky to confide in anyone outside the department. Then again, he couldn't tell anyone INSIDE the department that he was starting to feel like 'Jimmy' needed to live a little.

He was considering doing some unorthodox investigating, undercover undercover.

He'd be risking it all, but after doing the right thing, the sensible thing, the good thing for his entire life, Jamie Reagan wanted one taste of 'freedom.' Beneath the over-arching lie, maybe he could find his truth.

Maybe, he thought, he could even help Noble find his truth.


	4. Chapter 4

Jamie didn't want Noble to drink. He didn't want to be accused of taking advantage, or let Noble explain away anything that happened by blaming the booze.

Taking him home was too big of a risk, and Jamie knew it was wrong on so many levels. There'd be an I.A investigation, if not worse, but.. a hotel room was the only option that made sense.

Noble, however, had other plans.

Jimmy had booked the room on the department's dummy card, issued in Jimmy Riordan's name. It gave him the same sense of danger he'd felt the night he met Noble, and the rush he'd felt as Noble had tormented the dealer that night. Part of him had almost liked the power of it all, holding a life in the balance, seeing the fear in the guy's eyes.. That was an alley Jamie couldn't afford to wander down. This was a compromise, he told himself, a chance to walk the edge without going over.

He told himself over and over that Noble could've killed the man, but he chose not to. Jamie had to believe, and Jimmy already did, that Noble Sanfino was worth his time and attention. Being undercover gave Jamie the license to do things an ordinary citizen wouldn't be allowed to do, to be someone else for an hour or a night. It was like going on vacation somewhere on the opposite side of the world, where nobody knew who you were or cared what you did, and no one would ever know unless you told them.

As he killed time in the lobby, Jimmy's phone rang, and Jamie remembered to answer it with the correct name: "This is Jimmy."

"Heyyy, J-Dog. It's Noble. Listen, I know you had your heart set on that so-called 'nightclub' your hotel is so proud of, but I found us a better spot. I mean, this place is more my style, and I'm hopin' it's yours, too."

Jamie tried to disguise the disappointment in his voice. "Okay. So, what about the plan for you to come here, have dinner and get ready? I mean, I already booked the room - "

"So unbook it," Noble said breezily, like it was no big deal. "If the hotel gives you any jip, call me, and I'll, uh, take care of it for you." There was a hint of a smirk in Noble's tone, and it made Jamie feel warm and tingly, knowing this man had that kind of power - and that he'd use that power for Jimmy. He tried to formulate a response which wouldn't betray his feelings.

Laughing a little, he replied. "Okay. Will do. So, uh, where's this great spot?"

Noble paused. Jamie held his breath. "I'll be there in a few to pick you up. Be ready."

Jamie gave his assurances, then hung up. "I am in way over my head," he muttered aloud. He wished he could ask someone for advice - his T.O, his father, hell, even Danny - but Jamie highly doubted any of them had experience in this sort of thing.

Jamie flicked through an old issue of Vogue while he waited, wondering how women dealt with never knowing what a man was thinking or feeling at any given moment. When Noble pulled up out front, Jimmy had run out of time to worry and second-guess.

"For the job," he repeated, pushing his way through the revolving glass door

Yeah, right.


	5. Chapter 5

They made small-talk as Noble drove. He was sober, or at least he seemed to be. Jamie noticed he had on a dark gray suit, a muted white shirt, and a purple tie. That seemed an unusual color scheme, but Jamie wasn't really much of a fashion follower, either, and Noble managed to pull it off. Jamie wished he'd thought to wear a tie, but Noble hadn't mentioned a dress code, and at any rate, he felt his neck and throat were two of his best features. Jamie preferred to show them off.

"We're here," said Noble, and Jamie felt adrenaline crackling like ice in his veins. There were no other cars in the lot of the building as they parked. Were they simply on the other side somewhere? The lot was largely in shadow, and for the first time since the night of the drug-dealer's beat-down, Jamie began to feel real fear.

"What is this place?"

Noble opened his door, then moved around to Jimmy's side, opening that door, too. Jamie hesitated, searching Noble's face.

"What'sa matter, you think I'm some kind of serial killer or something? Come on. I'll show you around."

Jamie couldn't see any signage indicating what sort of place this was (clearly not residential). Swallowing his fear, he moved out of the car, with Noble, as usual, staying closer than the standard distance. 

As they approached the door up a slight ramp, Noble retrieved a set of keys. What were all those keys FOR?, he wondered.

Stepping inside, Noble hit the lights. Rather than being bright, they were dimmed, and as Jamie looked around, he realized why: the ceiling had a starry sky motif, keeping the illumination subtle. Along the borders of the surface, someone had painted what looked like stonework from a Roman villa. 

"Trompe l'oiel," said Jamie, and Noble looked impressed. "The ceiling.. It looks like there isn't one. Like we're looking straight up at the sky from a courtyard," he added.

Noble was pleased. "That's the effect I was hoping for."

The whole thing should've been tacky, but it was all so understated, it worked. Another switch activated the in-house music, instrumentals which put Jamie into a meditative state rather than a sexually-amped one. Mood music, but not for 'that' type of mood. It was .. chill.

"C'mon, I gotta show you the rest of it."

Noble led, and Jamie followed. The kitchen was modern and spacious, with high-end appliances and gleaming surfaces. Noble seemed genuinely invested in the place, aware of the details, the design.. The formal dining area was classy without making Jamie feel out of place, and as his eyes adjusted to the lighting, he noticed that one table - the best table - was already set. There were chafing dishes keeping their meal warm, and place settings.. for two. 

Gulp.

"This place isn't set to open for a few more weeks, so I thought I'd give you an exclusive sneak-peek."

"Wow. I.. Wow." Neither Jamie nor Jimmy knew what to say.

Noble clapped his hands once before rubbing them together. "Let's eat! I hope you Irish people like Italian food."

Jamie was impressed. There were small portions of a variety of dishes hidden within the chafing dishes, and the two dug in with gusto. Everything was delicious, and Jamie struggled to choose a favorite or come up with original words of praise for each dish.

Maybe it was the dim lighting, or the spices percolating in Jamie's veins, but it seemed like Noble was waiting for something, some cue, some green light Jamie didn't know how to give.

When they'd finished, Jamie was embarrassed at how much he'd eaten. Blaming it on nerves, he hoped Noble wouldn't be offended.

"So, Jimmy, I hope you saved room for dessert."

Jamie groaned. "Noble, if I get any more stuffed, I'll be a meatball," he laughed.

"Well, maybe if we take a little walk first, you'll make room."

Noble led the way to the garden, where the restaurant grew its own vegetables and herbs. There was a stone bench, and from this vantage point, the two men really COULD see the night sky. 

"What made you want to open up a restaurant? I mean, the other one's great, but this place.."

Noble shrugged. "When I got out of rehab, I needed something to occupy my mind - and my hands. Okay, and my nose.."

Jamie laughed, despite himself.

"So, I started hanging around at the other place, watching the chefs. Their hands are always busy, but, doing good things. Chopping. Peeling. Grating. Making something healthy and.. nourishing. All the different smells and textures, all the combinations - it became like.. a trip. An addiction."

Jamie gave a killer smile. "So you're into legal herbs now? You huff garlic and snort oregano?"

Noble play-punched him on the arm, then ruffled his hair affectionately. "Yeah, yeah. I'm here spilling my guts about changing my life for the better, and you're givin' me shit about it?"

"Nah, man. I think it's great. It's really great. You ever think about going to culinary school? Maybe, you know.."

Jamie trailed off. Noble looked at him for a moment. "Maybe. Not sure my family would approve, but then again, they never approve of anything I do." He grew quiet for a beat. "And what about you, eh? You gonna work at my crooked call center 'til the feds shut us down? You're really too pretty for prison, Jimmy."

"Well, my family wanted me to be a lawyer."

Noble blinked, waiting for the punch-line that never came. "And?"

Jamie returned his gaze. "And I said I might consider a life of crime, but I didn't want to go THAT far."

Noble found that funny. "God I love being sober when you're around. You're a trip, you know that?"

Jamie noticed they hadn't had wine with dinner. Noble was really trying to be good.

To a point.

There was tension for a moment, Noble needing to distract himself. He took a seat on one end of the bench. "And what about finding a leading lady in your life, huh, Jimmy? You ever want this place to yourself for a date, just say the word, and it's done."

Jamie nodded once. "I'm not really looking for Mrs. Right at this point. But thanks."

"You know, when I warned you off Bianca, it was for your own good. She's wrong for you."

Jamie nodded again, unsure of how to respond. 

"And, if anyone asks, you didn't see me tonight. I was here with a girl. What'd I say her name was? Uh, Maria."

Jamie laughed. "Okay. If I didn't see you, how would I know that?"

Noble scrunched up his face in concentration. "You'd think I'd be better at lying by now."

Jamie found that funny, too. As the laughter died, the quiet pressed in around them like a blanket. 

"Well, dinner was fantastic, but, it's late, so. Where to next?"

Noble jumped up. "Next, is dessert." With that, he disappeared into the kitchen, returning with two small containers.

Jamie found he could force himself to eat, after all. As before, there was a variety to choose from, a mere taste of each one.

Jamie really liked one in particular. "This lemon one. This is like.. I could eat it 'til I popped."

Noble smiled. "It's called 'torta di passione.' Traditionally, couples feed it to each other on their wedding night, but it's also supposed to be good luck for single friends to feed it to each other."

Jamie felt himself blushing as Noble selected another piece of it, offering it to him with his own hand. Jamie opened his mouth just far enough, letting the tart flavor burst upon his tongue before the sweetness of the cream took over. He lifted a piece to Noble's lips, and Noble took it, grinning as he chewed.

Noble looked suddenly shy, and Jamie's face began to burn hotter. "I lied to you earlier, Jamie. Mislead you, maybe. I .. This was where I wanted to take you. To go," he corrected himself. "Oh, and the cake story - I made that up. I just.. I thought it sounded cool." 

"Well, you were right. This is way better than the night-club. Thanks."

Noble was ready to burst. "Jimmy.."

"You got a little somethin' right here," said Jamie, brushing the tip of his thumb along the corner of Noble's mouth.

His eyes closed for several seconds, and Jamie wondered if he'd made a horrible mistake. When Noble spoke again, his voice sounded strained, taut as a bow.

"You understand what we're doing here?"

Jamie nodded. "I think so. Does it have anything to do with you never talking to girls, and never trying to set me up with any?"

Noble swallowed hard. "You need to know.. I mean, given my position, I can't ever.. I can't be seen to be.."

"I understand. My family wouldn't be okay with me, either."

"This is new to me. I don't take risks like this, J. Not for anyone."

"It's new to me, too. I never.. I never even thought about it with any other guy."

Noble relaxed a little. "If this gets out.."

"It won't. Not from me. I know how to keep a secret."

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," Noble said as he leaned closer.

Jamie rested against him, forehead to forehead. "It's part of the job," he murmured, and then there were no words.


	6. Chapter 6

"They'd moved slowly,

kissing like they were drugged,

lips parting

then meeting,

wet sloppy smacks of hungry mouths

with bellies full of butterflies and unspoken words"

Jamie hadn't written a poem since the last day of Eng Lit his senior year, and that had been more of a limerick of protest at being forced to write poetry. 

Noble.. Noble had written him a poem, based on their first kisses.

No. Noble had written a poem for JIMMY, the hard-luck Irish kid who'd saved him from death only to ditch him at the ER, who'd met with him for a private romantic dinner when he'd planned to seduce him in a shitty hotel room, the one who would never become a cop, never put both of their lives at risk the way Jamie was doing...

But he couldn't stop. No one - no one had ever written him poetry, or sent him something 'just because.' 'Jimmy' had a P.O box for his fake address, and that was a good thing, because Noble in love was a generous man.

Jamie wore the cologne Noble had gifted him, and it seemed to get him high, make him almost forget who he was and what he was doing. He was going to destroy the man's entire world, all in an effort to save him. How could he reconcile both sides of himself? Was there a way?

There were more poems.

"Thankful

I hadn't Tasted  
Until You  
Hadn't Felt  
Until You  
Hadn't Believed  
Until You

You saved my life  
Then you took the old one away  
And gave me a new one

Now all those prayers and hymns make sense  
The feeling of thanksgiving  
Of gratitude  
I'd never known  
Thankful, hands uplifted  
Even in my prison cell"

 

That line killed Jamie every time he read it. He knew Noble meant the prison of the life into which he'd been born, a life in a mob family closet, but it ran so deep. It cut him.

He was Noble's new drug, which both thrilled and terrified him.

He had almost enough evidence for the department to pull the plug on the investigation, and when that happened, Jimmy was going to have to disappear without an explanation and break Noble's heart.

He knew it would break his own, too.

Still. There was a little time left; they needed to make the most of it.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Stolen kisses in bathrooms and awkward fumbling in darkened cars had brought them to boiling point. Jamie wasn't sure which was holding him back - his inexperience and fear of the unknown, or the fact that he knew he was lying to this man on so many levels.

"I don't suppose you want to un-unbook that hotel room, do you?," Noble asked one night as they left a bar. He still hadn't touched alcohol, and Jamie was so proud of him.

"I'd love to."

Jamie watched as Noble made the reservation on 'Jimmy's phone. It was amazing what doors the Sanfino name could open, just with a few veiled threats. Even so, the call record would come back to 'Jimmy,' which meant Jamie would possibly have to explain himself. Eventually.

"All set. Let's go."

They were giddy and breathless as they reached their suite on the tenth floor, two dapper yet disheveled friends flush from the evening chill - or so it appeared.

Sliding the key into the slot, Noble cursed.

"If you can't even get the key into the right hole, we're off to a bad start," Jamie teased.

"Fuck you," Noble jibed back.

"Not if I fuck you first." Jamie rarely swore, but Jimmy..

They found the room prepared, everything they'd need - except for time in a bottle. 

"I'm putting my phone on silent," Jamie said, doing just that. Noble followed suit, though he knew there could be hell to pay, even for such a small act of insubordination. If he was summoned in the middle of the night, it could mean.. But his body was being summoned, his body and his heart, his heart and his soul, and Noble was going to focus on that call.

Noble snatched kisses in between the process of undressing. "Should we shower first?", Jamie asked.

"I dunno. They didn't really cover this in health class at St. Sebastian's," he joked.

"I bet not," Jamie teased back. They decided a shower could wait; this time was going to be awkward and probably brief, but they couldn't wait anymore.

Noble had memorized Jimmy's body - what he'd had access to thus far, anyway. He knew Jimmy loved having the underside of his crown licked, devoured the sounds the man made as Noble's tongue butterflied against the most sensitive spots. Jimmy only had his pants down to his ankles, his shoes kicked off somewhere on the floor and tangled up with his jacket and shirt. "Noble.."

Noble couldn't get enough of his name from that man's lips, especially in *that* tone. Half-aggressive, half-pleading, a warning. Noble wouldn't mind punishment from Jimmy; he'd take it as a badge of honor.

Jamie tried again the next time he could summon breath. "Noble, if you keep that up, we won't get to, um.."

Noble released his toy with a pout. "I very much want to get to 'um'. But later.."

Jamie groaned. "Rain-check. For sure."

Noble kissed his way back up the younger man's body, paying special attention to his throat. Jimmy shivered when you kissed him lightly there, and Noble inhaled the cologne Jimmy wore for him, mingled with his own bodily musk.

"I.. really care for you. You know that, right?"

Jamie nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I know that. You must trust me a lot. I don't deserve it."

Noble stopped, looking at him dead in the eye. "You do. Don't talk like that. You know so much about me, and you're still here. You haven't run."

He'd considered it. Jamie had thought about lying, saying they had nothing on Noble.. but it wouldn't have helped. It would've made things worse on all sides. 

Just this, he promised himself; just this, and I'll walk away. I have to. I'm doing this for both of us.

A beautiful lie.

Noble sensed his mind drifting, his body tensing up. "You okay?" 

Jamie tried again, licking his lips, tasting deceit. "Yeah. I want this. And I haven't run. I can't fight this thing anymore." The kiss replaced the bitterness, dissolving it with swirls of tongue, with lips softer than Sidney's.

Noble babied him, teased and explored him like he'd never experienced. "These should come off the rest of the way," Noble whispered, toeing Jamie's pants.

With some ungraceful maneuvering, they were removed, and Noble paused long enough to finish stripping. The swipe of a tongue along the shell of Jamie's ear made him gasp, the tongue followed by soft laughter. Jamie should've felt embarrassed by his need of this man, but he was too hot to care.

The two of them filled the bed, tumbling as they kissed, rolling each other over in a building quest for dominance of the best kind. "Jimmy.. will you.. will you let me.."

"Yes. I want you. I want you inside me." He was moved by Noble's need for explicit consent. That spoke to what kind of man he was, or could be, if only things were different.

The welcome basket, nearly booted off the end of the bed in the commotion, was scooted upward to within easy reach. "Ooh, hey, this kind says it warms up on contact."

"What do you me - ohh," Jamie sighed, feeling the lube hitting him there, feeling a testing finger applying it liberally.

When that became insufficient, Jamie asked for more. Noble was thorough here, not simply out of necessity, but because he was enjoying this. Jamie was in awe, someone else loving him this much, loving a part of him surrounded by so many taboos, so much shame.

"It's sexy as hell," Noble assured him, reading his mind. "You feel amazing. I can't wait to.." Noble wasn't good at dirty talk, and at any rate, he felt it would cheapen what they were doing. 

"It's so good," Jamie murmured. "Don't.. don't stop.. I need.."

Noble knew what he needed, the same burning need that had kept him up at night during rehab and every night since. 

When Jamie was pushing up for more, feeling stretched but not full, Noble knew it was time.

"Are you ready for me?"

"Oh.. yes. I'm ready." Jamie heard the foil wrapper being torn open - carefully - and the rustle as it was rolled into place. 

Noble moaned as he added lube to himself, then nudged against Jamie, wanting to fill him.

"I want you tell me if something doesn't feel right. Promise me," he demanded.

"I promise. Just.. please.." Jamie wanted him to understand without words. Needed him to.

Noble replied with an okay, then began to push in, testing, letting Jamie adjust and giving him time to speak up if it hurt. It burned a little, but Jamie was okay, breathing through it.

"Like that?," Noble wanted to know.

"Yeah. I like that.."

Noble tried rocking his hips back, then pushing forward, taking him in deeper. Jamie moaned, but not in protest.

"So sweet, baby. So tight.."

Jamie knew he would always want this again. He would always want this MAN again.

Noble continued to work him, slowly at first, and then, when he felt Jimmy could handle it, faster. Jamie couldn't describe the feeling, but it was tender and alive, growing inside him, filling him.

"Noble.. ahh.."

"I'm close," Noble admitted. "So close.."

"Yeah. I want you to. Please.."

Noble hesitated, not wanting to go too hard.

"Don't stop. Like that.."

Noble took the hint, riding his lover to a shuddering climax, calling his name in his delirium. Jamie pretended it was 'Jamie,' the truth, not 'Jimmy,' the lie.

As he withdrew, Noble reached for Jamie. "Look at me."

Jamie rolled over, slowly.

"You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Jamie found himself more emotional than he'd expected. "No. You didn't."

Noble smiled, relieved. "So that look on your face - that's a happy face, right?"

Jamie smiled back. "It's.. an emotional face. I'm emotional. I didn't know it.. I didn't know it could be like that."

They still hadn't said the 'gay' word. What they had didn't feel like a label; it felt like.. them.

"I knew it all along," Noble sighed.

"Knew what?"

Noble tapped Jamie on the nose with his finger. "You're a romantic."

Jamie laughed. It hurt a little, but only a little. "Me? Nah."

"No, no, you are. You try to act like a bad-ass, but.. I see you. I see through it."

Jamie felt suddenly naked, which, considering he'd just had another man's cock up his ass, seemed ridiculous - but it kind of hit him all at once, the enormity of what they'd done. Of who they were.

"Oh yeah? And what do you see when you look at me? When you see through it all?"

Noble thought for a minute. "You're.. one of the purest souls I've met. I'm saying this sober, by the way. Even the night we met, you had this goodness about you." 

Jamie remembered. "I asked for help in getting drugs for a date I had planned," he pointed out.

Noble conceded that. "I don't think you would've really used them. I think your party days are in the past. I know mine are."

Jamie hoped and prayed Noble wouldn't go off the rails when this thing came down. His world, his family, Jimmy's true identity - when that bubble burst, Noble would be hurting, desperate..

He couldn't speak for a moment, stretching into two. "Well, I see a decent man in there, doing what he can to survive in a world he didn't make. I hope you keep going, getting better and better, Noble."

Noble had to look away for a moment; it was too much. Sure, it wasn't praise from 'family,' but Jimmy was.. he was family in a way. He was.. a safe place for Noble, a place to be himself. He was the home Noble hadn't realized he was longing for.

"This 'decent man' is going to grab you a warm washcloth, and when you're ready, this decent man is going to do unspeakably INdecent things to you."

"Oh, no. You got yours. Next round, your ass is mine," Jamie said slyly, and the way he looked at Noble made the older man's heart stutter in his chest worse than any drug ever had.

"Yes, sir," Noble said, giving a mock salute as he went to get the washcloth.

Jamie knew it made him a bastard, but Jimmy didn't care. As they dressed, preparing to leave in the early hours of the morning, Jamie caught his reflection in the mirror. He didn't have any bite-marks or visible scratches on him, but he no longer recognized the man looking back at him. Everything had changed, and yet nothing had; the changes couldn't last. They weren't real.

Noble peeked over Jamie's shoulder into the mirror. "Pretty as a picture," he joked, but Jamie wondered if he was actually serious.

Either way, it stung - the secret knowledge that it could never be.


	7. Chapter 7

Jamie knew, when he looked at Noble as the man sat inside one of the station's rooms: Noble was angry, and he had every reason to be - though he'd never admit the full extent of it, the whole truth.

Jamie felt like a failure. He'd failed as a lover, as a friend, as an officer of the law; he'd lived a lie, keeping secrets from his siblings, his father, from everyone.

More than anything, he wanted Noble safe. He'd been selfish, letting things go as far as they had, but he hoped that, in time, Noble would understand. He'd done it for mixed reasons, some selfish, some not.

Jamie prayed no one else at the precinct would pick up on this extra 'thing' in Noble's words, or in his own demeanor. Jamie wanted to touch Noble, but knew he didn't have that right. He'd never had that right, and he sure as hell didn't now. 

Noble had been loyal to his family, even as they'd tried to have him killed. Once upon a time, Noble had wanted to die - too afraid to do it on purpose, but open to possibilities. Jamie, as Jimmy, had given him back a piece of himself he'd lost, or maybe never had, and he had wanted to live. Not just live - but be happy. Noble knew he didn't deserve it, but he'd also resolved to do everything in his power to earn it. Happiness. Safety. Peace.

He'd seen it in Jimmy, and that was ironic. An undercover cop, his secret lover, a liar through and through, had made Noble feel the first real emotions of his life. A liar had made him believe he was worth saving. A man who didn't exist had shown him how to live.

Noble couldn't thank him. They each had a price on their head, now more than ever. More than that, they had their pride. Noble wasn't going to be a criminal anymore, but that didn't mean he'd go totally soft. Not now. He was going to have to find a way to make it on his own, without his family. Without Jimmy. All those insane dreams of starting over, of the two of them rescuing each other - when 'Jimmy' had never even needed rescuing.

What nobody saw - and Noble could only guess that an angel had obscured the surveillance camera's lens as it happened - was that Jamie had slipped a typed note into Noble's pocket as he'd left the station.

He found it later, as the dust had largely settled, as he was finding his way around Rio and trying to pick up the lingo. 

It said, simply, "You were wrong in one sense, trusting me. In another sense, it was the first thing you got right since getting sober."

He stopped, sweat beads rolling down his face in the unbearable heat. Bianca had pitched a fit; the things the climate was doing to her hair - !

Noble forced himself to read on. 

"You're worth more than what I could ever give you, Jimmy or not. You had your prison, your double life, your secrets, and I had mine. At first, they were because of the job. But now? Now they run deeper than that, a lie within a lie within a lie.. You showed me who I really am, and who I could be. I can't repay you for that. 

I saved your life - twice. And you saved mine - twice - once by sticking up for me against your family, and once by loving me. You never got the words out, but I knew.

I knew. And I felt it too."

Noble had to stop again. Bianca looked over her shoulder, seeing her brother there, looking like he was about to cry. Panic rose within her, like bile in her throat.

"Noble?"

She was still several feet away. He had a moment to read the ending.

"Be safe. Find the life you deserve, the one you always deserved. Do NOT let your past define you. I know I won't."

Bianca called his name again, forgetting they couldn't be Noble and Bianca anymore. Not now. Not ever. 

She was on him now, trying to grab the piece of paper. "What the hell? Scared the shit out of me," she huffed. "Don't do that again," she added, softer. He was all she had left in the world, and she - she was all he had.

"I'm okay," he lied. Life was a series of moments, some of them real. Noble wondered if anything would ever be truly real again, but he knew he had to go on. He had to, and Jamie - his real name; he'd never be Jimmy again - wanted him to. That had to be enough. Had to be.

"Yeah?" She seemed so small here, such a little girl lost. She needed him to be strong for both of them.

Noble shoved the paper into his pocket, feeling it burn him through the khaki. "Yeah. We're gonna be okay."

She gave him a half-smile, and he sighed, falling into step behind her.

Bianca didn't know that the 'we' included a certain NYPD officer with eyes that changed with his moods. The same guy she'd tried to sleep with while he was Jimmy, the man who'd risked his own life to save hers, too. 

Noble knew he could never repay the man - not with all the money in his account, not with endless toe-curling blow-jobs.

He also knew Jamie wouldn't want to be repaid.

As far as Jamie was concerned, it was done for the job.

Only two hearts knew the truth.


End file.
